UNIQUE

UNIQUE

--A very unique part of my life.

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The Mute Bird

1

“Teddy my dear, ponder upon it on your own once more and you will come to your sound mind again. Do you happen to recognize that the penurious girl doesn’t even have a chaperon with her?.”
“I appreciate your concern, Madame Baxter.”
“Well, is that all you can say? Enthralled by that visage of hers?”
“I am more than enthralled, I daresay.”


























2

The sun was gleaming serenely on Lake Lavienger. Not long after it began to shine radiantly, a snow white hand laid itself on the face of the unperturbed water.
“Ah, ma faux pas. Your beauty just shattered.”
Offering words of laudation to the wordless pond, the stunningly handsome woman gazed at the reflection of her own self.
“Maybe I have the burden to name you.”
An unexpected voice interrupted the sheer silence.
“Ms. Ewing? Why, I never expected you here!”
“Oh, Count Cain, neither have I.”
A moment before the man with the pompous carriage arrived by, the pond anticipated trepidation which proved to be true.
“Well, Sir,” The pretty mouth grumbled. Maybe more than one felt indignant by his appearance.
“You ruined… I mean I was trying to think of… her, yes! Her name.”
The man did not seem to care any more than he does about the difference of social standing between the goddess and himself. He merely attempted to kick pebbles out of his way so that the narrow road that was interconnecting the two—the only one to be so among both the tangible and abstract—would become flawless.
“You’re not talking about the pond, are you, Ms. Ewing?”
“Don’t!...Do not call her with such a plain word. She is much more special. I wonder if you even understand what I mean”
The last sentence was barely audible but neither of them cared.

“Would you care to hop in, Ms. Ewing?”
“…sure.”
Celina surrendered, bored and uninterested.

“Um… So,”
“Half of London’s women are prostitutes.”
“Interesting,”
“So it is in fact difficult to find a decent woman in this city. Is not that new to you, Ms. Ewing?”
“Yes,”
“But the woman in front of me is not only decent but is more beautiful than Aphrodite the Goddess of Love.”
“…Count Cain,
“Would you please do the honor of calling me Theodore? Teddy, even better.”
“Well I am afraid we are not that… intimate.”
Theodore smiled cunningly.
“Yet, you mean.”

The woman blushed, waiting for a fairy to put a charm on her face not to. Yet it was the man who was held spellbound by this woman. It was almost daybreak, but he was not letting her go back to where she belonged.
Theodore Cain had some fortune inherited from his father. To Celina, however, the heap of money was all he had to be proud of. His eyes were impressively captivating but contained no real emotion. His nose was unusually sharp especially when seen from the side. His rather small lips matched the minuscule size of his mouth. Nothing from his visual appearance matched that of her. Celina’s eyes were big enough for jaunty nymphs to gather around and sing in. The two ponds always shone brightly, radiating happiness all over the place. Her nose was delicately tip-tilted. Her lips that were a little thick were the most attractive of all—pink at all times, never losing their hue of enticement.
Celina’s red—the prettiest one--, curly hair touched Theodore’s dark brunette one as it swung by. Although any creature could tell that it was an awkward situation to bear for the two novice artists of romance, the little curl of Penelope did not remove itself from the gap between Theodore’s right ear and his head behind it. Initially, Theodore did not bother to take it away. However Celina’s embarrassed countenance made him do so, with a chuckle.
There, in the glamorous carriage the two sat without any spoken words.
Yet, I mean.



3

“Celina,”
“Yes, I get what you are trying to say, love.”
“It’s been almost a year.”
Now that they have fallen in love with each other, both looked different. It seemed as if the sizes of their mouths have become rather similar to each other’s. Now nothing was a barrier for their last stage of unification.
“Do not say so in words, impress me. Will you, Teddy?”
Celina’s eyes shone like those of a nymph. To her, satisfaction was highly unreachable.
“I sure will. Tomorrow, the place near the garden,”
“I see. You want it to be only us.”
They both smiled.
“I’ll see you there,”
He kissed her and left, leaving Celina dazzled.
















4

A plump woman with both big eyes and a large mouth nigh screamed.
“Jeff! Come look here. Is not that elegant lady Celina?”
“Your eyes are as big as those of a toad, you should be able to see that there is no way that Celina would… Good heavens! It is that girl! Now do not dare intervening between them, let’s go. Come on!”
“How come she’s with Count Cain? Is she going to be a countess? No, that’s not possible. She is only a penniless girl living in that old house. Jeff? Where do you think you’re going? Are we not plowing there?”
“No! What do you have in your head after all? The two are having an affair besides that garden, so naturally we are not going there to plow!”
“Oh. Of course.”

Accepting her husband’s silence, the garrulous woman turned her way to where he was already heading to and walked in company for a few minutes. However nothing could help her from having a natural aversion for being laconic.
“I mean, only if I were 30 years younger,”
“Before 30 years you married me. You were not even a tenth as charming as Celina is now. So keep your mouth closed for ten more minutes. Then I’ll be able to lock the door up in my house,” he answered begrudgingly.
“Celina’s beauty certainly does its job, doesn’t it?”
“You can say that again. Look at her. Poor, uneducated, vulgar. What she has is her beauty and the big family of hers.”

The two, of course, never realized that the very person they were discussing happened to be listening to their discourse.







5

It is not hard to imagine what a kid feels like when he or she gets to realize that there is no such person as Santa. Although some may view the two similarly, the impact on Celina was, I am sorry to say, incomparably more dreadful.
“Grace! Look me in the eye and answer me, oh please do. Am I beautiful?”
The girl with long, delicate curls frowned.
“Why, my darling sister, who in this town would be ignorant of your beauty?”
“Why does Teddy love me, not you?”
As Celina’s eyes yearned for truth, Grace’s frown turned into a grimace.
“Well, just as I said, your beauty is surely second to none, and… although I am not hideous, I am still less handsome than you are. You know that, Celina.”
“What, what do I know? I had known and know nothing indeed!”
“What is bothering you? What is all this about your beauty?”
“Grace, Grace… He used to tell me that I am his darling bird.”
“Stop it now, Celina! He will tell you so again if you ask!”
“What if I destroy this face, though? Grace? Teddy? Then what happens? Am I still his lovely bird? Or am I just a mute, useless creature to him!”
It was already too much for an eighteen-year old girl to handle. Not even bothering to keep her hair in curls, Grace escaped the room with tears in her eyes.

“Mommy, Celina needs you right now,”
“Why, darling? Did she faint again?”
“I really don’t know, mommy. But I even heard her say something about destroying her face. Go quick!”
“Good heavens, she’s certainly not destroying her face. That would be throwing away a fortune!”
The stunning Ms. Ewing was too extraordinary a girl for the shabby family to cope with. Thinking or at least hoping that she is making the right decision, Mrs. Ewing sent her second girl to Theodore. Maybe she was afraid she might get killed by the shining aura that was coming out of her own daughter’s face.

“Go! You bastard, you really love me? Then leave! At this moment!”
“Ms. Ewing, My Celina. Please do not be so cruel. Please do tell me the problem that’s as stuck on you as I am by this locked door between you and me.”
“The problem is that I am too beautiful. You don’t deserve it.”
“Celina, my little bird. You know I love you too much to give you up. You are too beautiful and elegant, of course, to go to another man.”
“Shut up! You arrogant, conceited, haughty, deceitful, horrible creature! Why did you love your bird in the first place? Is it not worth loved by something other than the ability to sing?”
Now nobody was trying to console anyone.
“Pardon me? Celina, you have changed quite a lot. I thought this was a game you wanted to play and it seems like you are serious. Now open the door. At once!”
Only echo greeted him.
“You loved it only because it sang well! If it becomes mute, you’ll abandon it! That’s not love, fool! How dare you taint… true love? The genuine one?”
The voice now almost seemed as if it was fading.
Teddy gave his last shot.
“Ms. Ewing, open the door at once or I’ll break it open…”
A cacophonous, deafeningly loud laugh embraced the whole space. Suddenly and boldly, the voice insisted on listening to it.
“Ha, ha! Haharhahah! hee hee hee! DO that! You do that and I’ll certainly tear off this darling face you so dearly adore!”

When the door was finally ajar by force, the only creature that was visible was lying on the floor, pale.




6

“Where are you, the one who stole my mind?”
As no voice returned, the deep eyes of Celina began to show impatience.
“Are you gone? Have you left me? Please show yourself to me. I… I beg you,”
Shiny pearls began to roll down the cheeks of the innocent girl. Oftentimes, one cries when something terrible has already happened. In this case she was crying because she sensed impending misery. Fortunately, however, such a dire prediction proved itself false.
“Why, do not cry my dear one.”
A thick voice warmed Celina from head to toe. Now she was shining in joy, trying to grope for the tangible figure through the dark.
Swish-
Such a sound was not actually heard, of course. Because he was such an anticipated figure, however, it appeared to Celina as though such a sound would indicate his occurrence.

“You have taunted me as much as you want.”
“I never wanted to, Celina. Forgive me.”
The man sighed, continuing, “You must remember that I am ephemeral.”
Celina frowned and muttered, “Why, I thought you genuinely loved me,”
“I do, and for that you are right. But I am a wonderer. I travel around the globe sacrificing my all. I do it because it is my destiny. For a man like me, love is always ephemeral, whether it be genuine or not,”
Celina’s red hair seemed to glow as she sat beneath the tree as if she were to faint just then. The man did not sit down, but moved himself closer to her. That obviously did not please Celina that much; she turned away, avoiding his eyes with effort. He merely smiled as if he understood her.
“I wonder why you always emphasize the word ‘genuine’ in front of ‘love’.”
“Well,” Celina finally turned her face around and said, “If you are loved by your appearance but nothing else, then…”
“I am curious of the compound term’s origin,” he quickly added. Looking at Celina’s dumbfounded face, he frowned and continued, “’love’ is supposed to be ‘love’ by itself. It’s…”
“Implied?” answered Celina with a sad smile.
“I wish I was not beautiful. Then I’d know that I am being loved by something I have achieved myself to have. I never tried to become a nice person. I’m rather queer, you see… I never learned how to earn money, I never… I never did anything. Maybe I ought not be loved according to my wish.”
The man seemed bothered by her disappointment. He gently patted Celina’s shoulder and helped her stand up. Then he whispered into her ears.
“Celina, when I love someone, I have no idea why. You may start from one element, but later you become blind. You start to love every element that the person has,”
“If someone loved you for your appearance, even though you become ugly afterwards, he will not desert you if he really loves you. Is that comprehensible?”
Nodding with fascination, Celina asked, “And you do?”
“Yes. So do not fret.”

Suddenly, the wind began to blow harshly and leaves flew away. The man stayed still with an emotionless face. His feet did not move, but he was taken back from where he was.
As Celina reached her hand towards him, he was no longer a tangible person. His figure reduced second by second as if he walked backwards. There was not enough time for Celina to cry. All happened in such a short time. He became smaller… smaller…
Celina closed her eyes and let her body loose.
“











7

“So, is she the new patient here? You all heard her monodrama, right? What was she exactly doing?” said an old woman in an uneasy tone.
“Playacting,” a gaunt, sharp-looking nurse spit out.
“She sure is crazy. What’s all that fuss about love with a hallucination?”
A small but distinct voice suddenly cleared the air.
“I may know something. Now this is confidential.”
Oftentimes one listens to a secret swearing that one won’t tell anyone, when at the same time one knows that one will. After all, if a secret is not to be told, what is the use of listening to it? For this reason, all nurses gathered around anyway.
“A poor girl she was, with nothing but her beauty. Then Count Cain, the notorious Casanova, dared to interfere in her peaceful as well as innocent life,
Someone attempted to interrupt by saying something like, “Yeah, sure.” But nobody seemed to care.
“She actually believed that he would love her even if she swapped her face with a monster’s, which turned out to be nothing more than a wish. So now she lies down in this asylum because she just cannot handle the truth. End of the tragic story.”
Gasps filled the entire room. Sometimes people gasp and look at each other, hoping some other person would say something that fits the situation.
“How foolish is that? I would never in my sane life reject that rich handsome man whatever the reason!”
“Um… Emily?”
“Huh?”
“Look where she is now. The sanity theory doesn’t apply to her.’
Before the girl called Emily could answer, the head nurse came into the room with haste, shouting vociferously.
“Get out of the way for Count Cain has come to this shabby place. No time to fuss around! He wants to see Ms. Ewing, now!”

As haughty air surrounded the place, Theodore walked in with his guards. Nobody dared to speak as he approached Celina with an emotionless face.
“Good to see you again, Celina,” he said, softly.
“She… she fell asleep just before, sir. It is not a good idea to wake her… She may act violently towards you…”
“Yes, yes,” interrupted Theodore with observable arrogance.
“Why, is this truly your face? No more cherry-like lips? No childlike skin but this dried, dead skin with few crumples around your eyes? This is ridiculous. How old can you get in 6 months? Are you sure this is Celina Ewing? Her unique nose is there all right… but that isn’t enough,”
Theodore turned around and announced,
“You are not beautiful at all, and I am certainly not enthralled anymore by your appearance. Bye-bye, Celina. A bird that killed its voice, what a pity… Let’s go, guards!”

It would be preferable for the story to end here since this is a horrible ending and it would only get worse, but there is one thing left for you to notice.

As Count Cain left the place, Celina’s two eyes each let out a silvery line of tear, as silently as a mute bird could be.

Their eyes were watching God (ch.4~ch.6)

The second part I read incensed me. I don't know if this book will give me misanthropic views about men promising a rosy future and betraying the woman, but Joe Starks surely isn't a guy to trust. Maybe I should blame it on the general idea of the society and the era, not the individual, but his male chauvinistic lines were quite dramatic.

I did not like him from the start. His part about 'a young girl like you should sit down and eat potatoes and fan yourself' may be pretty impressive for lame girls, but for me that's not what I should be treated like. I recognized that it's the difference of paradigm since at that time I'm sure not a lot of women actively participated outside the house. So I concluded it's okay for Janie to fall into that, because it's better than being treated like a mule.

The second time he really made me frown was the part when he stopped the crowd requesting for Janies' speech and said she doesn't know anything about giving speeches. Reading Janie's lines, I think she is a clever woman who knows what she's saying. The prejudice that Joe put on his wife was something Janie should have gotten offended by, and I was glad that she did not accept it, saying she actually felt uncomfortable by what he said.
One question that came upon me was, would men with authority, intelligence and power have been more drastic in male chauvinistic attitude? What would have made such men that way? How is education different nowadays so that educated men recognize gender equality?

The part about Janie tying up her hair did make me chuckle a bit, because it showed Joe's jealousy which was expressed in such a childish, unwise way. It's like never showing his inventions to the world because he's afraid other people would steal his ideas. From a lot of sources, and growing up, I discovered men express jealousy oftentimes.
The notion I got here was that Joe did not treat Janie lot a proper person, or a seperate individual. If you don't like other people looking at your new bag, you can hide it. But you can't force someone you love to hide her attractive features just because you feel jealous of other people admiring it. I concluded that Joe views 'wife' as a 'thing', to be really dramatic in expression.

Men hitting women only proves that the only way they got over women in the early history was because of their strength. Joe Stark proved my thoery. Women can't hit men even if he earns little money. In the same sense, men should not even think about hitting women even if she cooks bad. But Joe Stark did, because he knew Janie could not hit back; she's a woman, naturally weaker than man. I believe hitting women is a way to show their inner weakness. If men want to beat women, they should beat women with intelligence, not strength.

Joe Stark reminded me of men with success these days who doesn't treat their wives right. I had a friend in middle school whose dad was a renowned doctor. She told me (confidentially) that her dad treats her mom very harshly. They may have a notion that women are naturally inferior to men.
Joe's line where he says "I god, they sho don't think none themselves/ They just think they's thinkin'. When Ah see one thing Ah understands ten. You see ten things and don't understand one," was pretty much the finale of his chauvinism.
I just felt so much passion for Janie standing up for it. I love her because she has things to say for women. I guess Janies' active attitude(though not always) made women get attracted to this book. She mentions God who created all people equally. I felt like I would get into the book right there and cheer for her. I think this scene was a victory for Janie, with her courage to refute.

A last question I thought of was, black men experienced inequality posed by others. Which means they know what it feels like to be treated inferior. But then, why do they do so to women? Shouldn't they realize that it is a terrible idea and rather stop?
Because I once read this article with statistical facts that showed how teenagers who have been bullied before tends to bully other teens more than average teens do. A son who had an alcoholic dad is more likely to become alcoholic and abuse his family when he becomes the leader of the family.
I am very into psychology. I wish to delve deeper into this issue.

Anticipating for what comes up next!

Brian Joo

He is too good to be true.

I love the fact that he is a Christian

I love the fact that he is from New Jersey

I love his voice!

Seriously, one of the goals in my life is to OFFICIALLY meet him. NOT encounter him.

You give me strength to carry on :)♡

Their eyes were watching God (ch.1~ch.3)

It's a shame I only had so much time to read up to the end of chapter three.
For the first chapter I couldn't exactly grasp what the novel was about since all was comprised of dialogues of seemingly common black women. Reading on, I found out that Janie was the heroine, and her grandmather was a very devout Christian who cares a lot about Janie.

What impressed me was the line by Janie's grandma where she says that white ppl are taking control as she sees it, and black women are considered nothing more than mules.
When she said that she prays for things to change, it touched my heart. It felt unfair for someone to pray for one's equal rights since they are all citizens of a country, all born as a human. In here I felt that both racial and sexual issues were relevant since it were 'black women' who were treated most unfairly.

Another part that appealed to me was where Janie says "Ah wants things sweet wid mah marriage lak when you sit under a pear tree and think. Ah..."
Every sadness, it seems, starts from expectations. If one expects nothing, then although nothing is given the person wouldn't be disappointed. It broke my heart that since Janie expected a sweet marriage it was hard for her to accept the truth. Every woman dreams about a sweet marriage life. Why wouldn't it work for Janie? Is it related to the fact that she is a black woman or was it only a problem with her husband?
What made her know that marriage did not make love? (end of ch.3)

'Janie's first dream was dead, so she became a woman.'
This made me think about the most basic criteria for judging 'becoming a woman'. Of course in here 'woman' did not mean someone with a XX chromosome. It must mean more than that.
If interpreted into something like, practical and wise woman who cracked out of her naive stage, it would make sense for me. I understand why it was used in such a way here.
But what bothers me is 'what made this kind of conception? What made it natural for a woman to be a real woman with her dreams dead?'
Before realizing things, Janie must have been 'a naive creature'. Why does Janie's 'becoming a woman' depend on her husband's treatment to her in their marriage life? This I think is definitely related to feminism.

I can't wait to read more to find out more about Janie. Since I don't get a lot of things going on here all I could to was to infer things. I am ready to feel Janie as my own self as I always do with the main character when reading a book.

I think it will be particularly interesting an experience.

FGC (Female Genital Cutting)

I firmly believe this is both a severe sexual discrimination and a human rights violation.
One of my goals is to contribute in eliminating FGC for the sake of women in Nigeria, Egypt, Enugu state, Burkina Faso...
I would luv to join : JHU/PCS, Save The Children, WARO, NAWOJ
Go 'Ndukaku Project'! : http://www.jhuccp.org/africa/com_mob/nigeria_fgc.shtml

http://www.zonta.org/site/DocServer/BURKINA_FASO_FACTS.pdf?docID=821

The very first one!

Exuberant.
Mind-boggling.
=My state of mind!